I've had moments of breakdown (like when I went shopping and saw all the cute easter baby clothes and realized that I may never get to buy any of those things).
I've had moments where I question why God didn't let this cycle work. And I was actually angry at God for the hurt that I was feeling.
I've had moments of feeling pain in my soul (exactly like the first time I found out I miscarried at my first ultrasound).
I've had moments of pondering if I could live childless, which leads to more pain in my soul.
I've had moments of crying myself to sleep at night (quietly so my husband doesn't know).
I've had moments of personal prayer where I pray for strength to make it through the day.
I've had moments where I had to 'Be Still and Know'...that my Heavenly Father loves me, even in my deepest hour of pain.
Although I may not understand this trial that I am going through now, I have to keep believing. Someday (maybe after this life time) I will look back on this whole journey and truly understand why I had to go through it. I know that the Lord only gives us trials that He knows we can handle. And even though it feels unbearable at times, I have to keep believing.
14 comments:
I'm with you my friend. Sharing your same moments and keeping myself busy with other things. We'll get there (where ever "there" is..) Fran
I'm so sorry again Hannah. Best wishes and lots of prayers being sent your way.
I'm so sorry you're hurting. I pray you find peace soon. It's so hard. I remember staying away from Target because that's where they all are! (PG ladies, that is) Only time helps and sometimes it's a long time, but it will get better.
XXX
I am feeling the same way you are feeling - you are not alone ((((HUGS)))
Hannah, I'm so sorry. Wish I was closer to give you a big hug! xoxo
Huge hugs to you! I too have questioned why god is doing this to us. I've already began to realize that this journey has made me a better person, brought a stronger relationship with my husband, and allowed me to meet some amazing people...with that being said..I would like to to be my turn now! =) I wish you the best of luck! Allow yourself to feel the feelings that you are experiencing..it makes you human...lord knows we have all been there!
Hannah- I am so sorry to hear your feelings. Hugs! But I can certainly relate. I do hope the reasons for our struggles are revealed to us some day. But even if that doesn't happen, I wish you peace in the here and now...
- Jess
You are right, he does only give us what he knows we can handle. I often think I cannot handle all of this IF junk, but in those still moments I can feel the reassurance for our Heavenly Father. I am so sorry about your BFN. I wish I was there to cry with you for a bit. Sending you prayers and love.
(Hugs) As you know, I've been dealing with these same thoughts too. I am here for you anytime!
Wish I had the words to comfort you. Thinking of you...
I too wish there was something I could do or say to help. I admire your strength!!
I thought of you so much today as I was wallowing in my own misery. I wish that you and I could go out to dinner and wallow together. Just get it all out of our systems. It isn't fair, and neither of us deserve to fight these battles. I am just as sorry for your fight as I am mine, if not more. I guess the hands we are dealt could have been worse.
You are never far from my heart.
Oh, sweetie, I wish I could just give you a real life hug. Thinking of you.
You are in my T&P's I just got a BFN with IVF #1 but like you said God is not going to give you anything that you can't handle and eventually he is going to work this out...
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