Did I ASK for your advice?? (Things you shouldn't say to someone trying to conceive)

Have you ever put your foot in your mouth and didn't know it? We've all done it. And most of us just really don't know any better. Better yet, have you ever given unsolicited advice? Or been on the receiving end of such unsolicited advice? I HAVE! Let me just tell you a few words of wisdom that I have been given as I have been trying to conceive.

• "Just Relax" - I understand that there are stresses in every body's life. But until you have gone through infertility, you can't "just relax." Stress may play a role in infertility, BUT Infertility causes stress!!

• "Just adopt, then you will get pregnant" - How many of you out there know someone (who knows someone else) that this happened to? Adoption isn't an easy road. And if we do decide to adopt, that isn't a guarantee that we will conceive OR be selected by a birth mom. Adoption can be expensive and stressful too. Just because it happened to someone you know (who knows someone), doesn't mean it happens for everyone.

• "Just go on vacation" - This statement implies that if we sleep in another bed, in another location, that we might get lucky?? We've been on a few vacations in our 9 years of marriage, yet we're still not pregnant. Spending time in the sun doesn't speed up the process either, so while vacations are fun and relaxing, it's not always financially feasible when you are spending sooooo much money on infertility treatments.

• "Just don't think about it and it will happen" - This is kind of like the "just relax" advice. When you are surrounded by people who are pregnant or have babies, it's kind of hard to just 'not think about it.' It's a constant reminder that I'M still childless. It's a stab in your heart that keeps getting deeper. Imagine if someone stabbed you in the heart, and then told you to just 'don't think about it.' You may be able to not think about it, but the pain is still there.

• "You're still young" - My doctors have said this to me on many occasions. It's like they think that it makes me feel better about myself or something. I'm not getting any YOUNGER. I may be young now, but what happens when in a few years I'm no longer considered young in 'fertility age?' And I may be young now, but pretty soon, I will be young and POOR because I've spent my LIFE savings on trying to multiply and replenishing the earth.

• "You can have one of my kids" - To me this is like saying, 'Look at me, I can have lots of babies and you can't.' If you don't want your kid, what makes you think I want your kid?

• "I know how you feel, it took us a while to get pregnant" - And when they say 'a while' they are referring to months, not YEARS. Do you REALLY know how it feels to shoot yourself up with hormones, go in for blood work every other day, have ultrasounds, take big horse pills, have to shove progesterone pills up your vajayjay, take a million pregnancy tests, and waiting around to see if your period will start? Unless you have gone through all of that, you really don't know how I feel.

It's hard being infertile in a fertile world. The purpose of this posting is for you to know that sometimes, we don't need your advice or helpful hints on how to get pregnant. We just need a friend to listen or hang out with, without having an ulterior motive. You know those friends that ask you, "So, what's new?"....but based on the way they say it, the question really is, "are you guys pregnant yet?"

I hope you have found this posting helpful. I would love to hear your comments!