11dp6dt

I'm 11dp6dt.  I've POAS (I won't tell you how many times already) and it's all negative!  With my last IVF cycle, I didn't get a positive from a pee stick until the day before my beta.  I'm down to one pee stick left and my beta appointment was scheduled for Wednesday, however, we are scheduled to get MORE snow on Tuesday/Wednesday (maybe an additional 10 inches.  As if 33" isn't enough!) so the nurse called and said they are pushing my appt back to Thursday. 

It's so very discouraging to see the negative line SO MANY TIMES!  I'm sure many of you know the feeling. 

I already started to make 'plans' if this cycle doesn't work.  (First thing I would do is go eat sushi and get drunk on diet coke!) I think I may have the rest of the year planned out.  But does anything ever go according to plan? 

My hope tank is on Empty.  I am hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.  By Thursday I will be 14dp6dt.  If it doesn't show up on a pee stick by Wednesday, then what are the chances that it worked?  The waiting is the hardest part.  I would much rather just know and move on. 

Beta #5, IVF #1

And the verdict is...unknown still.  Today's beta came back at 155.  Yes, it's up, but not by much (in IVF standards).  The dr wants me to go off all the meds.  The nurse said I will probably bleed more heavily this weekend.  It's gone from light brown to pink/red.  I will go in on Monday for another beta test.  If it goes up, then they will keep monitoring every other day.  If it goes down, then they will monitor once a week until the number is negative.

Part of me thinks that maybe, by some miracle, that it's just one of the embryos that didn't make it and needs to flush itself out.  That maybe, by some mircle, the other one is still viable.  Maybe that's wishful thinking, but it still gives me that tiny ounce of hope to hold on to. 

You know how people say you're either pregnant or you're not and that there's not such thing as 'kind of pregnant?'  I'm starting to think I fit into the latter category.  I tested positive as being pregnant, now I don't really know if I'm still pregnant or not, so wouldn't that make me kinda pregnant?!

This is going to be a long weekend.  Keep the prayers coming please.  As long as there is still an ounce of hope left, I will keep hoping.

It's Not Looking So Good

I started spotting very lightly last night.  It was brownish (sorry TMI).  I hear that it's pretty normal to spot at the beginning of pregnancy (especially through IVF).  Well today it's a little more noticeable, but definitely not heavy.  I don't have a good feeling about this.

I was feeling very discouraged last night and this morning.  Steve was able to give me a blessing before we left for work today.  I balled by eyes out because I really felt the Spirit and the love of my Heavenly Father.  I had been praying for comfort to know that the baby(ies) were going to be okay.  Instead, I received the feeling of comfort that I was going to be okay.  I know that whatever happens, He will get me through this. 

I will go in tomorrow for bloodwork.  I asked to work from home tomorrow because I don't think I can handle the bad news while at work. (My last miscarriage news was delivered while at work last year).

So, I am hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.  I will update as soon as I find out the results tomorrow afternoon.  Thank you for all your prayers!

Infinite Power of Hope

"Hope has the power to fill our lives with happiness."

I continue to pray and hope every day (if not every minute) for my baby(ies).  Every since we have started this infertility journey (7 years ago), the Lord has been by our side.  Through all the joys, tears, frustrations and miscarriages, He has carried us through all of it. And I know in my heart, that He is there for us right now.  We have put our faith and trust in Him with every aspect of our lives.  How grateful I am to know that He loves us and through our obedience, He will continue to bless us. 

"We hope in Jesus Christ in the goodness of God, in the manifestation of the Holy Spirit, in the knowledge that prayers are heard and answered."

Please take two minutes out of your day to watch this video.  I love hearing  President Uchtdorf speak.