Glee

This is my new favorite show. And it's on tonight at 9 pm.

(Like I need another show to watch?!)

This is a clip from the show last week.

No Embryo's to Freeze

Thank you for all your kind words to my emotional day yesterday.  It is such a comfort to know that there are people out there (who I've never met) who are praying for us. It just warms my heart! 

After the nurse called yesterday and delivered the news that the nine embryo's we had left did not make it long enough to freeze, I kept wondering why those little embry babies didn't survive.  I was a little bummed about it, but then Steve said something that I hadn't thought of.  Maybe the Lord didn't let them survive so we wouldn't have to worry about the cost of storing them, or more importantly, what we would do with them long term.  Maybe He will bless us with a BFP this cycle and we don't need those extra embryos! 

I know it can be a hard decision for some couples.  We discussed it previously with the RE's office when we signed all our paper work. The Shared Risk Program covers one year of storage.  Then you have to pay a yearly storage fee.  There's also the option to donate them (to other couples or to Science) or have them destroyed. We probably would pay the yearly storage fees until I reach an age where I can't have children. Then we would probably donate them to science.

I am grateful that Heavenly Father knows our struggles and knows what's best for us.  Sometimes what's best isn't always what WE think are the best.  But He will carry us through all of it.  Thank you for your prayers.  Keep them coming.

Emotional breakdown

(Abbey at 1 yrs old)

I don't know why but I've been feeling down the last few days.  Maybe it's the weather? It's been cloudy and dreary (really, I don't have Seasonal Affect Disorder) Maybe it's because I quit cold turkey? Maybe it's the hormones?  Who knows?! 

I had a little bit of an emotional breakdown last night.  I was feeling a little inadequate because I couldn't keep my house clean.  I felt like my husband didn't love me enough (romance is not his forte). I kept thinking, what if this cycle doesn't work?  How many more cycles can I endure?  What if I'm not qualified to have babies?  Needless to say, it was a long night.  With each passing day, I am getting more and more anxious.  But I keep praying (A LOT) that the Lord will bless me with strength to accept whatever it is that is to come.  And that's all I can really do.  Pray for peace.  Pray for comfort. Pray for strength.

*Update* - Literally, five minutes after I posted this, the nurse from the RE's office called and told me that the other embryo's did not survive long enough to be frozen. I was sad to hear that and it made me tear up a little bit, but I pulled myself together.  I feel like I'm on the brink of another cry fest.  Holding it all back though. 

Love Thy Neighbor

We've lived in our neighborhood (in a cul de sac) for a little over four years and everyone on our street has kids so most of them all know each other and are very close. We are cordial with everyone, but we don't really know them that well.

I had my nieces, Mya and Abbey, on Saturday at my house.  I had just put Mya down for a nap when my door bell rang.  It was one of my neighbors bringing us dinner!  I was so surprised and so very grateful!  These neighbors are the ones that we talk to the most and they know our struggles with infertility. I was just sooo grateful that they took the time to think of us.  They made yummy baked ziti, salad, garlic bread and the most delicious brownies!  Our tummies were full, BUT our hearts were over flowing!

Mya is such the cuddler. She loves to snuggle up to you.

Abbey and I love to make sugar cookies together.  She enjoys using her little roller pin.

Here's the finished product.  They're fall leaves, frosted with orange icing (although it looks pink in the picture).

I am blessed with good neighbors and very blessed to have family close by.

Too much time, not enough shows??

This has been my week since Tuesday (embryo transfer day) when I've been on 'couch rest.' 

Don't judge. 

You gotta love day time T.V.

She makes me want to get up and cook!

I love to watch their views on things.  Can't wait for when Elisabeth comes back. 

How you doin? 

I like to watch Color Splash.  This channel always makes me want to decorate/paint my house.  I need all the inspiration I can get!

I've been watching a Baby Story.  This is definitely a Show I Shouldn't Watch, But do. 

Ellen makes me want to get up and dance!

So, I've had a nice restful week.  One week down, one more to go! I'll be back to work on Monday. 

25 Random Things about Me

Since it's ICLW week, I wanted to repost this posting I did in February.  Just 25 Random Things About Me.

1. I met my husband in highschool and one of my first impressions was that he was loud and obnoxious. I did not date him until after he returned from his mission. We dated for six months, got engaged, and three months later married. And here we are, almost 9 years later.

2. I wish I had more time to do volunteer work.

3. Three years ago, I went back to Vietnam, after over 20 years. My dream is to return there again with my husband to do volunteer work. (Although, he has no desire to go there because he can't eat the food).

4. I love reality T.V. (it makes me feel better about my life).

5. My best birthday ever was last year when my husband threw me a surprise 30th bday. I never had bday parties as a kid (deprived childhood).

6. The high light of my 2008 was the New Kids on The Block concert I went to with my friend Ameeta. She got us box seats! It was awesome. I felt like a pre-teen again!

7. I am deathly afraid of snakes. One time my co-worker was showing me pictures from her vacation and there was a picture of her with a big snake wrapped around her. I screamed and threw all the pictures in the air. I scream when I see them on T.V. too.

8. If I wasn't a member of the church, I'd probably be swimming in sin. Who knows where I would be in my life.

9. I can't swim (honestly).

10. I love having my family close by, but sometimes I wish I were thousands of miles away. As my husband likes to say, they suck the life out of me.

11. I have trust issues with people. It takes a lot for me to get close to people.

12. I don't like people who only come around when they need something or when it's conveniet.

13. I've been working since I was 15. My first job was in telemarketing. That only lasted a few days. Worst job ever!

14. I love asian food (Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese) but I can't cook it. I wish I could cook like my friend La.

15. I hate when people ask me when I'm going to have kids. Then proceed to tell me that "I'm still young" and that "'it will happen." Seriously?!

16. I've always wondered what it would be like to get drunk. And what kind of drunk I would be. (Is there such a thing as a 'good' drunk?) Of course, I would never do it.

17. You know the saying "Good things come to those who wait"...but, what's the waiting period? 'Cause I'm still waiting. (I have patience issues too).

18. I like to travel, but my husband is a home body. We've also discovered that it's not fun to go on vacation with just the two of us....we run out of things to talk about, I like to do things while on vacation and Steve would prefer to just sleep in or relax and do nothing.

19. My husband is not the most romantic person, but I KNOW that he loves me. He does his best to make sure that I am happy. When I ask him if he wants to do something or go somewhere, even though he doesn't want to, he'll do it because I want to. Which my response is always, "But I want you to WANT to be with me."

20. I've learned not to judge people because you never know what's really going on in their lives or what their circumstances are.

21. I don't like when people just stop by my house unannounced. It's never clean and I'm too embarrassed that people will think I'm a slob.

22. I love Bryer's Vanilla bean icecream served over a warm brownie.

23. I really would love to get a yellow labrador, but I refuse to pick up poop.

24. I read the Twilight series and the Harry Potter series and love them!

25. I say my prayers every morning (literally roll out of bed onto my knees) and every night (before I get into bed).

And it begins...2WW.

These are our two embry babies.  The one on the Right is the BEST one.  The other nine are still developing and they will watch it for the next few days to see if they will develop enough to freeze. 

The transfer process went okay.  The worst part was my full bladder.  It hurt so much I could hardly walk!  The dr. who performed the procedure was very nice and took the time to explain everything to us.

And now we wait....(2 Week Waiting period).  This is probably the hardest part in the whole process. Now I truly turn it over to God and leave it in His hands.  He knows what's best for us and we just have to put our faith in Him.  How grateful I am for everyone who's praying for us. Please keep the prayers coming.  We need it now more than ever! 

Tentative Transfer Date

The nurse called and said we now have 11 embryos.  We are on the schedule for a tentative transfer tomorrow at 11:30 am.  She said there's a posibility that they might move me to day 5 transfer on Thursday.  The Embryologist will let her know tomorrow morning. 

This kind of makes planning a little bit hard for us since we have such a long commute in.  So, we will just prepare to come in to work tomorrow and if I don't hear from the nurse by 10:00 am, then she said to just come in.  I've told my boss what my tentative schedule is for tomorrow.  If the transfer does happen tomorrow, then I will work from home the rest of the week and take it easy.  Oh and I'm instructed to come in with a full bladder.  Uh, I hope I don't pee on the table.  How embarassing would that be!

Wow, seems like it's really going to happen.  Keep the prayers coming!!

Egg Retrieval update

The Embryologist called and of the 17 eggs retrieved, we have 13 embryos!  The nurse will call us tomorrow to let us know if the embryos are maturing and will let us know if we are going in for day 3 or day 5 transfer.

Egg Retrieval

Okay, so the trigger shot wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  It was quite nerve racking leading up to it though.  But it was over quickly.  We had our retrieval this morning.  Our appointment was at 11 AM, but we had to be there by 9:30. We got there a little earlier so Steve wanted to grab breakfast.  I was instructed not to eat since I was going to be under anestesia.  Wouldn't you know it, there was a Panera right by the office in Rockville! 

When we arrived, the nurse took us immediately back and explained what was going to happen and we had to sign the release papers.  Then the Anesthesiologist came in and explained what would happen and hooked me up to an IV.  We waited for a little bit and I was brought back to the retrieval room. 

Here I am in my pretty gown and hair net. 

Steve waiting patiently.

In total, 17 eggs were retrieved.  The Embryologist will call us tomorrow to give us a report. I'm still a little sore and will just be resting today and tomorrow. Please say extra prayers for us!  We will need lots of prayers in the next few days. 

TGIF

My friends from Jai Lao Foundation were in town for the weekend. I met up with them for lunch.  I love these ladies and their passion to Jai Lao. We always have fun together. 

Me, Noelle, La, April at Neisha Thai

I also met up with one of my Young Women leaders (church youth group when I was growning up) who is in town for her 25 year highschool reunion.  Betsy Lowe is one of the women who I admire deeply.  I remember as a youth how much I looked up to her and how much I wanted to be like her when I grew up. She is an amazing mother and wife. Her testimony and love of the gospel truly inspires me. And I still want to be like her when I grow up. 

Betsy and me after dinner.

Jern Jern (foreign exchange student from Thailand staying with the Lowes), Marissa (Betsy's  yougest daughter), me and Betsy

Trigger Time

We are triggering tonight at 11:00 PM.

The nurse drew a circle on my bottom (just like the picture above) so Steve will know where to inject me.  I am not looking forward to this shot because the needle is much longer (since it's an inter muscular shot).  So in thirty six hours after the shot (Saturday at 11 am) we are scheduled to go to Rockville for the egg retrieval. If all goes well, we may go in on day three (Tuesday) or day five (Thursday) for the Embryo transfer.  I'm hoping for Thursday so I can have the whole weekend to really take it easy and relax. If it's on Tuesday, then I will work from home the rest of the week.

I'm glad tomorrow is Friday and that I don't have to do shots or go in for  U/S BW tomorrow!  Yay!!  

Quitting, Cold Turkey

Depression seems like such a taboo topic to talk about. People assume that when you're depressed, that something 'must be wrong.' Sometimes it's just a chemical imbalance and stressful events (like infertility) can serve as a catalyst. I've had my share of anti-depressants, believe me, I've tried almost all of them. I've suffered from mild depression (sometimes major) for as long as I've been married (9 yrs). If you've ever been through depression and have gone through the trial of finding just the right drug, then you know it's all about trial and error. I finally found a drug that worked for me, Zoloft. Then when I started TTC again earlier this year, my OB said that I should not be on it and I should be on Prozac. I told him that I was on Prozac before and that I gained 10 lbs on it! He told me to just exercise, "I'm still young" and that I should be okay on it. Well, I refused to go on it so I decided to try the over the counter St. John's Wort. That has REALLY helped me a lot and I really have seen a difference in the way I feel.

This morning at my U/S BW appointment, I mentioned to the RE that I was on St. John's Wort and should I be weening myself off of it? He was surprised to hear that I was on it and said I really shouldn't be on anything at all while I'm on the stimulant drugs. I kindly reminded him that at our consult appointment, I did mention to him that I was on it (along with the Metformin for the PCOS) and he seemed fine with it. I don't recall him ever telling me that I should stop taking it once I started the IVF cycle. Well, needless to say, I'm quitting the St. John's Wort cold turkey. I think I will be okay (so long as this IVF cycle works!)

The nurse called with our instructions for tonight and it looks like we are decreasing our Bravelle to 75 units. I'm still hoping we go in on Sunday for retrieval.

Rapunzel, Rapunzel

I stopped by to see Abbey yesterday on my way home from work and she was excited to show me all the movies that she checked out from the library. We decided to watch Rapunzel together (she had already watched it before, but she wanted me to watch it with her). The version of the movie she had was really old and it starred a young Jeff Bridges (I think it was from the early 80's).

Abbey kept telling me what was about to happen in the movie. Then we get to the part where the witch catches the husband in her garden and tells him that he has to give his baby over to her when the baby is born. Abbey then says this about the witch:

"She wants a baby and she's going to steal it. Just like you Aunt Hannah!"

I couldn't help but laugh out loud at that. I had to correct her and tell her that, yes, I want a baby, but I wasn't going to steal one.

We didn't get to finish the movie, because it was dinner time. It was Abbey's turn to say the prayer. I was expecting her to say her usual prayer (which usually consist of her saying that she's thankful for grandma, grandpa, mommy, daddy, aunt Hannah and uncle Steve). Then at the very end of her prayer she said:

"Please bless Aunt Hannah to have a baby. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

That just melted my heart....How a simple child's prayer can mean so much.

U/S BW Appts ALL WEEK

We went in yesterday for our regular U/S BW appt. Same old, same old...for the most part. I have one follicle on the left side that is really leading the pack at 18 mm. Based on our appt yesterday, we have to go in EVERY day this week! This really messes up our commute schedule and we end up stuck in traffic. This morning it took us an hour and a half to get in to work from the RE's office! (I kept thinking, 'why do I pay $10 a day in tolls to sit in this traffic?!')

Anyways, this mornings appointment went well (how much better can it get when you have the vajayjay cam taking pictures of your insides?). Big follie on the left is now at 19 mm. The rest of them are trailing behind. The RE said that the biggie will most likely be over matured and that was okay because the rest of them are growing nicely.

The nurse just called me with my BW and protocol and the first thing she said was:

"Your follies are talking to you! They are looking good girl!"

(She is the nicest nurse ever!)

We are instructed to stay on the same dosage and return again tomorrow. I told her we were running low on the Bravelle (we have enough for two more nights) and she said no problem! She will have some for us tomorrow.

The RE said that we may trigger Thursday/Friday and go in for retrieval Saturday/Sunday. We both asked (almost in unison), "Can it be Sunday?" Not that we're trying to get out of church or anything :) .....this weekend is going to be another busy one. I have friends in town and another baptism on Saturday. The RE laughed and told us to "Talk to your ovaries about that."

So now do we say Grow Follies, Grow OR Slow down Follies, Slow down??!! This whole thing reminds me that it's not our time line, it's the Lords. He is the only one that knows what's best for us and what's best is not always what's most convenient.

Busy Saturday

Saturday morning started out with our early appt with the RE for U/S BW. Nothing new to report on that front. Lining is good, follies are growing. I wish I had something new to report because this is getting boring. I guess when it comes to IVF, they want the follies to grow slower so they can all grow together?? We go back in tomorrow (Monday) for another U/S BW.

See the band aid on my right hand? They had to draw the blood from my hand versus my arm. The nurse in our regular office is so good at finding the veins in my arm, but NO ONE else seems to be able find them, in EITHER arm. It usually takes a couple of pricks before they can find a vein. And if they can't, then they go for the veins in my hands. I don't like when they do that because it hurts a tad bit more.

After our appointment (and after Panera) we had to go to Home Depot so Steve could price out drywall. He's been helping my brother finish their basement and it's really coming along. We were so tired when we got home that we both just crashed and took a nap for about an hour.

Then I had to go to my friend Shanan's house. She is a Scentsy Consultant and was having a Fall open house. I LOVE scentsy! I stocked up on Fall and Holiday scents.

(Me, Shanan & Amelia)
Scentsy has cute burners and plug ins.

After the Scentsy open house, I had to rush home and change, then it was off to my SIL, Erin's, baptism. I am grateful that Erin has decided to join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Through her example, her children and her family will be richly blessed.

Steve, me, Erin, Tim (Steve's brother)


One of Erin's many talents is that she is good at making cakes. She made this cake for her baptism. It's a replica of temple baptismal fonts. The twelve oxen represent the twelve tribes of Israel. It was a beautiful and delicious cake.
Here is a close up of the oxen.

After the baptism, we went to dinner then headed over to my brother's house so Steve could work on on the basement for a little bit. My younger brother and his girlfriend were over visiting so I got to see my niece Mya. What a way to end a long day!

Thank goodness the Sabbath is a day of rest (and football)!

Me and Mya

We May Have A New Tradition

What do two people do while waiting for an early morning U/S BW appointment? What better way to kill some time than to have breakfast together at Panera! It's starting to be a regular thing now. Our RE has three offices (Rockville, Annandale and Leesburg). Two of the three offices are right by a Panera Bread! How convenient!

We usually just get bagels and hot chocolate. They have yummy hot chocolate! (We don't drink coffee).

Steve enjoying his cinnamon crunch bagel.

Me getting ready to enjoy my apple raisin cinnamon crunch bagel.

Our U/S BW appointment this morning was pretty much the same. Lining looks good, 8 follies on left side, 10 on the right. They're still too small to measure right now. We continue with the same dosage of meds. Return on Saturday morning for another U/S BW. So much for sleeping in! At least I have Panera to look forward to.

Grow follies! Grow!

Skewed Concept of How Babies Are Made

We had Abbey over the weekend and she was telling me about her flu shot last week before school started. Needless to say, she was not too thrilled about getting her shot. So I told her about how I have to get shots every morning. She asked me why and I told her "so we can have a baby." I asked her if she wanted to watch Steve give me my shot in the morning and she said "yeah!"

The next morning, she watched as Steve shot me up. It was quick and she just looked at me, probably expecting me to cry like she does when she gets a shot. Then Steve asked her if she would like for him to give her a shot. To which she replied:

"No! I don't want a baby!"

She's too young to ask about how babies are made yet, but I think she now has a skewed concept of how they are made. But the reality is, this IS how they are made for some people.

Labor Day U/S BW

AF showed up on Saturday so today was my day 3 ultrasound and bloodwork. My regular RE office (45 mins away) in Leesburg was closed so I had to go to the Annandale office (over an hour away). Which meant I had to get up at 6:30 AM, to leave by 7:30 am, to get their by 9 am. I was so tired! What a way to spend my Labor Day morning.

At any rate, the u/s went well. I have eight follies on the left side and 9 on the right. Grow follies, Grow!

Tonight we start 150 units of Bravelle and 75 units of Menopur and reduce the Lupron to 5 units. Then we go in on Thursday for U/S and BW.

Grow Follies! Grow!

A Day Off

I took the day off to enjoy the long Labor Day weekend. It was a beautiful day. I slept in until 8:00 AM (yay for not getting up at 5 AM!). I met up with my old high school friend, Thi, who was in town visiting from Texas. We haven't seen each other in over 10 years! It was great to see her and meet her family.

Here we are in Landsdowne enjoying the beautiful weather.

And this is her cute baby girl....Olivia (7 months)!! Isn't she the cutest thing ever?

I could just eat her up! I love this picture with her little tongue sticking out. Love her!

After my exciting lunch, I went to the COACH outlet to check out their Labor Day sale. This cute little bag was just calling my name! And the best part was, the nice girl in line in front of me had an extra 20% off coupon that she gave to me. What a deal!

Following my retail therapy, I went and got a pedicure. I needed it bad too! The bottom of my feet are always dry and cracking. I love how it feels after a nice pedi. Okay, I hate the way my feet look so I debated whether or not to post this picture. For some reason, earlier this year, my right foot has been going through this 'phase' where it will swell up every once in a while. I can't even wear some of my shoes anymore because the right foot is too big! Anyways, here are my happy feet.

After all this fun, I went to pick up my niece Abbey for the weekend. She starts school next week so I wanted to do something fun with her before she heads back. We are going to take her to Hershey Park tomorrow! Fun filled weekend!

I love three day weekends! or in my case, four day weekends!

Show & Tell - My 2005 trip to Vietnam

I am joining Mel's Show and Tell today.

One of the BEST trips I've ever taken was back to Vietnam in 2005. That was my first time back in over 20 years. My family escaped the communist country in the late 70's and spent a few years in a refugee camp in Thailand. We came to America in the early 80's. I was about three years old. I don't have any memories of Vietnam at all, that's why returning there was so important to me. I won't bore you with my life story, so I will just share a few of my favorite pictures from my trip.

This is me at the market holding up some Toddy Palm Seed. Love the exotic fruits there.

This is my maternal grandmother. She is the reason I am here today, literally (there's a story behind that, but I'll have to save it for another time). Before I decided to go on this trip, my grandmother was ill on and off for a while. I knew that I had to see her before it was too late and that she would not leave this world until we were reunited. When I first arrived, I will never forget the sparkle in her eyes, as she looked into my eyes and started crying. Due to a stroke, my grandmother could not speak and was paralyzed on the left side of her body, but I knew that she knew who I was and although she did not say it in words, her eyes said loudly 'Welcome Home.' Three months after my trip, she passed away.

This is a picture of my uncle (my dad's brother) and my paternal grandfather. Again, this is my first time 'meeting' them as I have no recollection of them at all as a child. My grandfather is around 90 years old. He is a sharp man for his age. My dad passed away in 1996 and I was never close to him at all until that year. That was my first semester away at college. It was also the first time in my life that I truly felt my dad's love for me. I distinctly remember the phone conversation I had with him two weeks before he died.

The opportunity to meet my dad's side of the family was priceless. My uncle looks exactly like my dad (duh, they're brothers), but I didn't realize how much until I first laid eyes on him at the airport. It felt like I was looking at my dad.

So, there you have it. My first trip back to Vietnam (I say 'first' trip because it certainly won't be my last). It truly was a trip of a lifetime. It help remind me how grateful I am for Eternal Families.

My Favorite Season

I love, love, love the Fall Season! I know it doesn't officially start until September 22nd, but for me, it starts when school is back in session and the weather starts to cool. We've had really nice, Fall like, weather the past couple of days and I love it! It's been in the 70's and LIFE IS GOOD! When the weather is nice, I am much more happier (no I do not have Seasonal Affective Disorder).

Things I look forward to in the Fall:

1. Apple picking!!

2. Apple Pie (although you could have this year round, it just taste better in the Fall. I need a good pie recipe!)

3. Fall Foliage (This is probably one of the only times I actually look forward to driving in to work. Going up the mountain during the Fall peak is beautiful!)

4. Apple Cider

5. Pumpkin patch

6. Pumpkin Carving

7. Fall Festivals

8. Chili

9. My favorite shows are back on (no more reruns!)

10. Cool mornings/evenings

(Abbey and Steve apple picking last year)

Here's to a great Fall Season (albeit a little early)!

Vagina - It's not a clown car

Apparently it is! Michelle Duggar is expecting her 19th child!

Seriously?!

I originally saw this picture on Eileen's blog and it made me laugh out loud!

Then People Magazine reported today that they are expecting baby #19!!

I love how her doctor says "Some women are made to have babies..."

Aren't ALL women made to have babies?

I guess 'Life Happens' to some women and it's not as easy for us to pop them out.

There is an ounce of me that is happy every time someone I know is expecting. For instance, I found out that my neighbor is 7 months pregnant and I had no idea. And someone at church is also expecting. Really, I am happy for them. I do not know Michelle Dugger personally (only on TV), but I guess I can squeeze out an ounce of happiness for her (like when you squeeze out a fart!)

Because that's Christ like attitude and love.