By Invitation

This is what we received in the mail over the weekend.

We have been PRE-SELECTED to receive this EXCLUSIVE VISA Black Card.

Wow, imagine that?! How special I feel to be part of the "Limited 1% ."

What does this little black card have to offer?

24-Hour Concierge Service
Exclusive Rewards Program
Luxury Gifts
Oh, and the annual fee is $495!!

Why would anyone pay that much for a credit card??

It finally dawned on me....we were sent this 'exclusive invitation' because we recently dropped a nice bundle on our credit card to pay for our Shared Risk IVF cycles. (Which we are paying off completely. We only did it to get the reward points. I am not encouraging anyone to go into debt.)

Does VISA seriously think I'm going to apply for their Black card? Like I have nothing else I can spend $495 on?!

Lupron week

I begin the Lupron injections tomorrow morning (20 units). This means I have to get up on time so we're not late for work. We have an hour and 15 minute commute in to work, now with some schools back in session, traffic can be a nightmare!! And it only gets worse after Labor Day. So, I HAVE to make sure I get up at 5 AM and out of the house by 6:00 AM.

This is also the last week for the BC pills. I have three days of it left. I'm glad because since I started taking it (three weeks ago), I have not been in the "mood" at all!

By the end of this week, we are expecting AF to show up, then we go in for the Lupron eval.

Here's hoping everything goes according to plan (but does it ever?).

Crabfeast! Yummy!

YUMMY!

Last night after work, I had a crab feast with two friends. We went to Captain Pell's in Fairfax. It was all you can eat crabs!

Mmmm, mmmm Good!

Me and Jessica

Me and Maureen

After it was all done, we were stuffed. Oh how good it was.

Have a fabulous weekend everyone! I will be busy tonight getting ready for our community yard sale tomorrow. Hopefully it won't rain. Have a blessed day.

My Mama's bday

Yesterday was my mom's birthday. She turned 53. We stopped by and had dinner with the family after work.

You're probably going to think that I'm going to write a whole blog on how wonderful of a mother she is. Well, sorry to disappoint you, but she was not your typical mom. But she did the best she could. I did not have a close relationship with my mom. Growing up, both my parents worked a lot to support our family. They are first generation Vietnamese immigrants so all they know is work, work, work. I do not have any recollection at all of my parents ever telling me they loved me. Kind of sad huh? It is not very common in Asian families to show emotion. Although they never said it, I know that they did love me. My childhood was not a very happy one at all and there's not enough therapy hours for me to work through all my problems that stemmed from my childhood. I was a deprived child.

Moms are suppose to be role models for their kids. My mom was not. She has taught me what NOT to do. I have three other siblings (one sister and two brothers). If you know my family, you will know that I am nothing like my other siblings. What's the biggest difference?? I try to live a Christ centered life. And it has truly blessed me. I could write a whole book on my life (our escape from Vietnam, my childhood, my conversion to the church, and of course, my IVF journey)!

But, at the end of the day, through all the criticizing and nagging, I know that my mom does love me and cares about me (even though she will never say it).

Happy Birthday mom!

Grandchildren

(I love my nieces and nephews)

The other biggest difference between me and my siblings? I'm the only one who didn't inherit the fertile gene!

Always the Party Planner, Never the Guest of Honor

Don't get me wrong, I love to entertain and have people over. However, when you're TTC, the last thing you want to be doing is throwing a baby shower. In the seven years that we've been TTC, I've had to throw several showers. And I thought I was done with 'hosting' ba.by sho.wers since all my friends are on baby #3, 4, or 5.

Well, I was put in charge of a "ba.by sho.wer" for a co-worker (who's a guy). Since guys don't usually do baby showers, there wasn't much planning. It was quite simple, I just sent out the invite, ordered the cake, collected money for the gift card, purchased the card for everyone to sign, set up and clean up. Sounds pretty easy right? It wasn't bad at all.

I went to pick up the cake and the cashier lady was like, 'oh, who's having a baby?' Then she proceeds to tell me her daughter is due in a week. Yeah, of course she is...seems like everyone is expecting but me.

Then at the 'sho.wer,' my co-workers were all talking about babies and names and delivery stories. Of course, I didn't have anything to add to those conversations. Although I wanted to say, "I got my stash of meds last week and get to start shooting myself up next week. And the vagaegae medicine comes with an applicator now! Anyone in the office have any experience with that??" I think that probably would have been the end of the party at that point. But I refrained from making any comments and just stuffed my face with cake and icecream.

Sometimes I think about what it would feel like to be the guest of honor at MY own ba.by sho.wer. When, and if, I do get pregnant, who would actually throw me a sho.wer? Would anyone actually come? I've decided that it would be the ba.by sho.wer of the century! Yeah, that may be selfish, but I've waited this long so I'm going to celebrate BIG. Someday (hopefully soon) I will be the guest of honor and NOT the party planner!

Even Vampires Can Mulitply and Replenish

If you read the Twilight series then you're probably looking forward to the release of New Moon on November 20th.

I've read all four books in the series and even convinced Steve to read them too.

I heart Edward Cullen!

How is it that vampires can multiply and replenish the earth, but us humans have such a hard time?

Bite me!

Hair cut and Sushi

I've been in dire need of a haircut lately, so today I called Bubbles to see if my hair dresser, Anna, was there. She was off today so I told the reception girl that I'll go with someone else if they could fit me in. It's always nerve racking going to someone new to cut your hair.

They were able to fit me in and lady that cut my hair was way too pushy. She kept trying to sell me products. And to top it off, she was trying really hard to be funny, but she wasn't. I got two inches cut off and bangs. At any rate, she did an okay job on my cut, but I wasn't impressed with the way she styled my bangs.

I went to Abbey's house and when she opened the door she looked at me and we had this exchange:

Abbey: "You look different."

Me: "What's different?"

Abbey: "Your hair"

Me: "Do you like it?"

Abbey: "I love it!"

I asked her to take the picture above for me since she 'loved' my hair.

After I got my hair cut, I met my friend Ameeta for Sushi. Ameeta and I went to high school together. It's nice to still keep in touch and hang out. She was the one that got us box seats for the NKOTB concert last year. It was the best concert ever!


Yummy Sushi! This is the Spider Rolls and Eel Rolls. We also ordered Spicy Tuna and Shrimp rolls. I love sushi! Enjoying it while I can because it's a big no no when you're pregnant (still keeping fingers cross that we will have a successful IVF cycle!)

Here we are right before it was nap time. I was so tired (stayed up way too late last night) that I fell asleep first and Abbey just ended up playing by herself while I slept.

Overall, it was a good Saturday.

Where I go to feel Peace and Love.

Steve and I went to the temple tonight after work (this post is dated 8/22/09 because it's after midnight on Saturday morning). We try and go once a month. After fighting Friday night rush hour traffic, which is crazy in the D.C. area, we detoured and decided to just grab dinner (at the Cheesecake Factory) and wait for it to die down. We ended up making it to the temple around 7 pm.

I LOVE THE TEMPLE.

It is where I feel Heavenly Father's love the most. When I enter through the temple doors, I leave this world behind with all my problems. When I leave the temple, I feel renewed and spiritually uplifted. I feel PEACE.

I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me for who I am.

I KNOW that Families are Forever.

I KNOW that He answers prayers.

(I took this picture this past April. Love the tulips!)

I also ran into a friend outside the temple. She is one of the sweetest people I know and I don't get to see her much, even though we don't live that far. She told me that she reads my blog, but doesn't know what kinds of comments to leave. I told her that I'm glad somebody's reading it! But in all honesty, sometimes, a simple 'thinking of you' or 'praying for you' is always heart warming. You can never have enough people praying for you.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered!

The time came for us to sign the Shared Risk contract and make the payment. So I guess it's official now...we are on the road to IVF. (As a side note, Shady Grove Fertility is working on a shared risk program that will include all your meds, all for $27,500! That's A LOT of money, but it's a good deal for couples who have no insurance coverage at all. Yeah, like most people have that kind of money laying around right?)

I've been thinking lately about what I would do with all the money that we are spending on IVF, if it didn't work and we were refunded the $20K. Of course, I would be devastated!

But then I would just splurge and live life.

Like this lovely BMW 750Li Sedan.

Maybe take Abbey to Disney and spend the night in Cinderella's castle.

(I wonder if Cinderella had infertility problems. Probably not, because that wouldn't be 'Happily Ever After')

I've always wanted to go on a cruise. Maybe we just take a month off and cruise around the world for while. Road Trip across the US would be fun too!

But my BIGGEST dream would be to go to Vietnam with Steve (who would go kicking and screaming) and do charity work. I am from South Vietnam (about 8 hours south of Saigon) and still have extended family there. I would love to take Steve 'home' to meet my family. Maybe someday we can go there on a humanitarian mission.

I pray that this cycle will be successful so I don't have to decide what to spend the refund on!

Injection Class and Li.quid G.old

We had our injection class today and it took an hour and a half! There were two other women in the class with us (Steve was the only spouse who came along). We had to sit through each person's instructions, that's why it took so long. I kept wondering why the two other ladies didn't bring their spouses. Maybe they were going to be injecting themselves? Who knows! But I'm glad Steve was there with me because there was a lot to remember and my memory is terrible when it comes to instructions!

It wasn't all new to us since we did four previous IUI cycles. We've had plenty of experience with the subcutaneous shots (in the belly). The only thing we really needed to learn was the inter muscular injection (aka, the shot in the butt)! The nurse told us to carry around a Sharpie in my purse because when it's time for me to take the trigger medicine, they will draw a circle on my butt so we know where to inject the shot. Nice! (Side note, I recently went back to school shopping for Abbey and had a coupon for Sharpies for a penny! I bought six of them! Needless to say, I won't have a shortage of Sharpies).

When we got home tonight, we had a special delivery (no not that kind). There was a box left at our front door. And this was what's in side:

All of our meds for this first cycle!! We found out that the insurance covers up to $2,500 a year for IVF drugs (but they don't cover the procedure, go figure). So our copay for all this loot was only $224.49. That's a steal for all this li.quid G.OLD! But we figured we probably came close, if not maxed out on the allowable $$.

So, when I'm done injecting myself (or more like Steve injecting me) with all this li.quid g.old, hopefully it'll pay dividends!

Textbook!

We went in this morning for our mock transfer/sonohysterogram. It wasn't as bad as I thought (a lot easier than an HSG). What I didn't expect was the gushing of water that came flowing out as he removed the transducer thingy. I couldn't help but think, 'Is this how it feels when your water breaks??'....uh, I have no clue.

At any rate, the Dr. said everything was 'textbook.' Which made me laugh to myself because being a Psychology major (long ago), I sometimes analyze Steve and tell him he's classic 'textbook.'

Now let's pray that everything else in the cycle will be textbook!

Clarke County Fair

Saturday started out as being a lazy morning. I was tired, but of course, Abbey wanted to do things. So, we went to the pool around lunch time, came back and Abbey took a nap. While she napped I decided to makeover my blog. You like??

We went to the Clark County Fair in the evening. It was quite interesting people watching at something like this. That's all I can say about that.

Here we are on the Ferris Wheel. I'm afraid of heights so I was trying to hold Abbey's hand and she was just laughing at me because I was so scared.

Abbey enjoying her ice cream cone with sprinkles.

Yummy!

Show Us Your Life - Favorite Vacation Spots

Kelly's Korner is hosting a 'Show Us Your Life' favorite vacation spots.

Our favorite vacation was when we went to Oahu, HI. We had enough Marriott Rewards points saved up to spend a week at the J.W. Marriott in Ko'Olina.

Here we are in paradise!

The view from our balcony.

Pineapple Plantation

My favorite part of all?? They serve spam AND rice at McDonalds for breakfast!!

This was our last night in HI. It was by far the best vacation we've been on yet. I would love to go back and visit the other islands. Maybe some day (or maybe if I wasn't spending my life savings on IVF!)

Shared Risk

There are two big fertility centers in the Washington D.C. area. We chose to go with Shady Grove Fertility. They have a program called Shared Risk. The program costs $20K (upfront) and that allows you to do up to six IVF cycles (excludes the cost of meds). And they call it shared risk because if you do not deliver and take a baby home, they will refund 100% of your money. You do not have to do all six cycles and can stop treatment at anytime.

The average costs for an IVF cycle is about $6,500 (plus meds, which can run $2,000-$3,000 a cycle).

Why didn't we pay per cycle?? Well, given my history of miscarriages, we figured this was the best plan for us. And if we get pregnant on the first cycle, then that's one expensive baby! (And that's the risk we take). That's why I secretly pray for twins so I can get my monies worth. But I know that the Lord has a plan for us and we will be blessed with those special spirits waiting to join our family.

Aside from being financially draining, Infertility is also physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining. It really tests your faith. And reality sets in and you just have to really trust in the Lord and know that He knows whats best for us.

Day 3 BW and U/S

Dr.'s appointment this morning went well. Nine (very little) follicles on the left ovary and ten (very little) follicles on the right. So here's the game plan so far:

• 8/13 - start birth control pills (BCP)
• 8/17 - mock transfer (this is just so they can go in and make sure everything is clear)
• 8/19 - injection class (an hour and a half class!)
• 8/31 - start Lupron
• 9/5 - AF should start
• 9/7 - come in for Lupron eval, start stims

Of course, this is a tentative schedule. Hopefully everything will go according to plan. (But does it ever really??).

Favorite Photo Blog Hop

These are just a few of my favorite pictures of Abbey making silly faces! Hope it brings a smile to your day.

Easter 2009.

Christmas 2008. Abbey and Aunt Hannah making silly faces together.

Giving kisses to Abbey, while she's making silly faces.

This one is my all time favorite. We didn't know she was behind us! What a ham!

Fall 2008. Abbey has taught us well when it comes to making silly faces.

AF shows up!

So last Thursday was my last day on Provera. AF decides to show up today. Called the RE office for day 3 BW and U/S. Hopefully we can start this cycle. Oh yeah, I still need to pay them the $20K upfront!

Summer pickin'

This past weekend, I took Abbey and her friend Malia to the Peach Festival. We went to Marker Miller Orchards in Winchester. This is the same place that we go to in the Fall for Apple picking. I love how they run their farm. Lots of play room for the kids to run around. The girls had a great time picking Peaches, Blackberries and Raspberries.

We are very blessed to live near orchards where we can go pick our own fruits. It's great making memories together with Abbey. If I was really adventurous, I'd pick enough peaches/berries to can or make jams, but I am not up to that task yet. Maybe next year (or the years after).

Is 30 something the new 40 something??

In one of my recent posts I mentioned how people give unsolicited advice when they find out you are trying to conceive. Ever have anyone tell you that you're still young, yet that statement only makes you FEEL older.

I was watching a show on T.V. recently in which a couple went to see a fertility doctor because they wanted to try to have baby #2. The woman, who was in her mid 30's, just wanted to talk to the doctor to see what she could expect since she was slightly over the age of 35. The doctor proceeded to tell her that women over the age of 35 are at higher risk for miscarriage, chromosonal abnormalities, Fibroids, Endometriosis, Pelvic adhesions, etc. That pretty much put the fear of babymaking into her.

I always thought that you could have babies up to age 40 and once you hit 40, yes, your chances are much higher for those things. (I actually know a few women who have had healthy babies at 40!)

Abbey turns 6!

My niece, Abbey turned 6 on August 6. We threw her a small surprise party with some girls from her Primary class from church. She certainly is growing up fast. I remember when she was still inside her mom's belly and I could put my hand on her belly and feel Abbey kicking. I also remember talking to my sister in law about names and how they hadn't decided on one yet. That's when I suggested the name ABBEY.

Origin: Hebrew. Meaning: Diminutive of Abigail: Father rejoiced, or father's joy. Gives joy.

She certainly has brought a lot of joy into our lives!!

This is Abbey after we jumped out and yelled Surprise!

She was very happy to see her friends.

I asked Abbey what kind of cake she wanted for her birthday and she said, 'Chocolate, with pink flowers and polka dots.' Erin, (my sister in law) at That Little Cake Place made the cake for Abbey. I gave her only a week's notice and it turned out great! Every princess castle has a dragon to guard it.

Making a wish and blowing out her candles!

One last picture with the dragon and Uncle Steve before bed time.

Here's a conversation I had with her recently:

Me: "Abbey, We love you and love having you around because you make us happy. You're special to us because Heavenly Father sent you here to help make us happy because we can't have a baby right now."

Abbey: "Why? I not new."

Me: "What do you mean you're not new?"

Abbey: "I not new like a new boy or new girl."

In her little innocent mind, she was thinking that Heavenly Father only sends new babies down to earth and because she wasn't a baby, she wasn't special or sent to make us happy.

I love this little girl!

Did I ASK for your advice?? (Things you shouldn't say to someone trying to conceive)

Have you ever put your foot in your mouth and didn't know it? We've all done it. And most of us just really don't know any better. Better yet, have you ever given unsolicited advice? Or been on the receiving end of such unsolicited advice? I HAVE! Let me just tell you a few words of wisdom that I have been given as I have been trying to conceive.

• "Just Relax" - I understand that there are stresses in every body's life. But until you have gone through infertility, you can't "just relax." Stress may play a role in infertility, BUT Infertility causes stress!!

• "Just adopt, then you will get pregnant" - How many of you out there know someone (who knows someone else) that this happened to? Adoption isn't an easy road. And if we do decide to adopt, that isn't a guarantee that we will conceive OR be selected by a birth mom. Adoption can be expensive and stressful too. Just because it happened to someone you know (who knows someone), doesn't mean it happens for everyone.

• "Just go on vacation" - This statement implies that if we sleep in another bed, in another location, that we might get lucky?? We've been on a few vacations in our 9 years of marriage, yet we're still not pregnant. Spending time in the sun doesn't speed up the process either, so while vacations are fun and relaxing, it's not always financially feasible when you are spending sooooo much money on infertility treatments.

• "Just don't think about it and it will happen" - This is kind of like the "just relax" advice. When you are surrounded by people who are pregnant or have babies, it's kind of hard to just 'not think about it.' It's a constant reminder that I'M still childless. It's a stab in your heart that keeps getting deeper. Imagine if someone stabbed you in the heart, and then told you to just 'don't think about it.' You may be able to not think about it, but the pain is still there.

• "You're still young" - My doctors have said this to me on many occasions. It's like they think that it makes me feel better about myself or something. I'm not getting any YOUNGER. I may be young now, but what happens when in a few years I'm no longer considered young in 'fertility age?' And I may be young now, but pretty soon, I will be young and POOR because I've spent my LIFE savings on trying to multiply and replenishing the earth.

• "You can have one of my kids" - To me this is like saying, 'Look at me, I can have lots of babies and you can't.' If you don't want your kid, what makes you think I want your kid?

• "I know how you feel, it took us a while to get pregnant" - And when they say 'a while' they are referring to months, not YEARS. Do you REALLY know how it feels to shoot yourself up with hormones, go in for blood work every other day, have ultrasounds, take big horse pills, have to shove progesterone pills up your vajayjay, take a million pregnancy tests, and waiting around to see if your period will start? Unless you have gone through all of that, you really don't know how I feel.

It's hard being infertile in a fertile world. The purpose of this posting is for you to know that sometimes, we don't need your advice or helpful hints on how to get pregnant. We just need a friend to listen or hang out with, without having an ulterior motive. You know those friends that ask you, "So, what's new?"....but based on the way they say it, the question really is, "are you guys pregnant yet?"

I hope you have found this posting helpful. I would love to hear your comments!