AF shows up!

So last Thursday was my last day on Provera. AF decides to show up today. Called the RE office for day 3 BW and U/S. Hopefully we can start this cycle. Oh yeah, I still need to pay them the $20K upfront!

Summer pickin'

This past weekend, I took Abbey and her friend Malia to the Peach Festival. We went to Marker Miller Orchards in Winchester. This is the same place that we go to in the Fall for Apple picking. I love how they run their farm. Lots of play room for the kids to run around. The girls had a great time picking Peaches, Blackberries and Raspberries.

We are very blessed to live near orchards where we can go pick our own fruits. It's great making memories together with Abbey. If I was really adventurous, I'd pick enough peaches/berries to can or make jams, but I am not up to that task yet. Maybe next year (or the years after).

Is 30 something the new 40 something??

In one of my recent posts I mentioned how people give unsolicited advice when they find out you are trying to conceive. Ever have anyone tell you that you're still young, yet that statement only makes you FEEL older.

I was watching a show on T.V. recently in which a couple went to see a fertility doctor because they wanted to try to have baby #2. The woman, who was in her mid 30's, just wanted to talk to the doctor to see what she could expect since she was slightly over the age of 35. The doctor proceeded to tell her that women over the age of 35 are at higher risk for miscarriage, chromosonal abnormalities, Fibroids, Endometriosis, Pelvic adhesions, etc. That pretty much put the fear of babymaking into her.

I always thought that you could have babies up to age 40 and once you hit 40, yes, your chances are much higher for those things. (I actually know a few women who have had healthy babies at 40!)

Abbey turns 6!

My niece, Abbey turned 6 on August 6. We threw her a small surprise party with some girls from her Primary class from church. She certainly is growing up fast. I remember when she was still inside her mom's belly and I could put my hand on her belly and feel Abbey kicking. I also remember talking to my sister in law about names and how they hadn't decided on one yet. That's when I suggested the name ABBEY.

Origin: Hebrew. Meaning: Diminutive of Abigail: Father rejoiced, or father's joy. Gives joy.

She certainly has brought a lot of joy into our lives!!

This is Abbey after we jumped out and yelled Surprise!

She was very happy to see her friends.

I asked Abbey what kind of cake she wanted for her birthday and she said, 'Chocolate, with pink flowers and polka dots.' Erin, (my sister in law) at That Little Cake Place made the cake for Abbey. I gave her only a week's notice and it turned out great! Every princess castle has a dragon to guard it.

Making a wish and blowing out her candles!

One last picture with the dragon and Uncle Steve before bed time.

Here's a conversation I had with her recently:

Me: "Abbey, We love you and love having you around because you make us happy. You're special to us because Heavenly Father sent you here to help make us happy because we can't have a baby right now."

Abbey: "Why? I not new."

Me: "What do you mean you're not new?"

Abbey: "I not new like a new boy or new girl."

In her little innocent mind, she was thinking that Heavenly Father only sends new babies down to earth and because she wasn't a baby, she wasn't special or sent to make us happy.

I love this little girl!

Did I ASK for your advice?? (Things you shouldn't say to someone trying to conceive)

Have you ever put your foot in your mouth and didn't know it? We've all done it. And most of us just really don't know any better. Better yet, have you ever given unsolicited advice? Or been on the receiving end of such unsolicited advice? I HAVE! Let me just tell you a few words of wisdom that I have been given as I have been trying to conceive.

• "Just Relax" - I understand that there are stresses in every body's life. But until you have gone through infertility, you can't "just relax." Stress may play a role in infertility, BUT Infertility causes stress!!

• "Just adopt, then you will get pregnant" - How many of you out there know someone (who knows someone else) that this happened to? Adoption isn't an easy road. And if we do decide to adopt, that isn't a guarantee that we will conceive OR be selected by a birth mom. Adoption can be expensive and stressful too. Just because it happened to someone you know (who knows someone), doesn't mean it happens for everyone.

• "Just go on vacation" - This statement implies that if we sleep in another bed, in another location, that we might get lucky?? We've been on a few vacations in our 9 years of marriage, yet we're still not pregnant. Spending time in the sun doesn't speed up the process either, so while vacations are fun and relaxing, it's not always financially feasible when you are spending sooooo much money on infertility treatments.

• "Just don't think about it and it will happen" - This is kind of like the "just relax" advice. When you are surrounded by people who are pregnant or have babies, it's kind of hard to just 'not think about it.' It's a constant reminder that I'M still childless. It's a stab in your heart that keeps getting deeper. Imagine if someone stabbed you in the heart, and then told you to just 'don't think about it.' You may be able to not think about it, but the pain is still there.

• "You're still young" - My doctors have said this to me on many occasions. It's like they think that it makes me feel better about myself or something. I'm not getting any YOUNGER. I may be young now, but what happens when in a few years I'm no longer considered young in 'fertility age?' And I may be young now, but pretty soon, I will be young and POOR because I've spent my LIFE savings on trying to multiply and replenishing the earth.

• "You can have one of my kids" - To me this is like saying, 'Look at me, I can have lots of babies and you can't.' If you don't want your kid, what makes you think I want your kid?

• "I know how you feel, it took us a while to get pregnant" - And when they say 'a while' they are referring to months, not YEARS. Do you REALLY know how it feels to shoot yourself up with hormones, go in for blood work every other day, have ultrasounds, take big horse pills, have to shove progesterone pills up your vajayjay, take a million pregnancy tests, and waiting around to see if your period will start? Unless you have gone through all of that, you really don't know how I feel.

It's hard being infertile in a fertile world. The purpose of this posting is for you to know that sometimes, we don't need your advice or helpful hints on how to get pregnant. We just need a friend to listen or hang out with, without having an ulterior motive. You know those friends that ask you, "So, what's new?"....but based on the way they say it, the question really is, "are you guys pregnant yet?"

I hope you have found this posting helpful. I would love to hear your comments!

Shows I shouldn't watch, but do.

Steve tells me I torture myself all the time. Why you ask? Because I watch shows like:

A Baby Story (TLC)

Birth Day (Discovery Health)

Deliver Me (Discovery Health)

16 and Pregnant (MTV)

And what ends up happening almost EVERY time I watch?

(This is my niece Mya)

Yep, the water works start!

Why would someone, like me, who longs for a baby, watch shows like these?? It's like adding salt to the wound! Yet, I still like to watch all the baby shows. I wish there was a reality show on infertility. I think there is a massive audience out there who would tune in. Maybe Steve and I can start our own show? What should we call it?

Almost 100%

I'm feeling better, but not yet 100%. I returned to work on Monday, but I still have this cough that I can't get rid of. I guess it will take time to completely get rid of the cough, but in the meantime, I'm finishing up the antibiotics.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and just contemplating some things. I'm struggling with what I can post and what I shouldn't. (I am NOT pregnant, so you guys can remove that from your minds).

Do you ever feel like you have so much on your mind and you don't know how to express it or even who to express it to?? I have a lot of trust issues so it's hard for me to just talk to anyone. The last thing I need is for the whole ward to know my business. I'm trying to work on being more open, but I always have my guard up...that's why I keep everything bundled inside. There are a select few that I let in, but those are the one's I trust with my life too.

Life is good though. I can't complain too much. I have been very blessed, yet I still long for the one blessing(s) that hasn't come our way yet. I keep praying and I know they will come.